


Moonlight

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Angst, But mostly angst, Canon Compliant, Light Smut, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 22:22:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2445260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Levi.” He finally managed to murmur, and the Captain smiled at him. It was a rare, crooked smile, but on Levi it looked brighter than the moonlight through the window.<br/>“It’s been too long, don’t you think,” Levi pushed back the black strands of hair that partially covered his eyes, “Erwin.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> Something short and angsty that I wrote because Eruri is killing me and also I don't want to study for my history exam.  
> Feel free to count how many times the word moonlight is actually mentioned in this damned thing 'cause I swear, it's in like every sentence...

Levi couldn’t sleep.

He lay restless, staring up at the wooden ceiling. Somewhere a fox barked, the haunting sound echoing through the courtyards outside the window. The glass in the windows was thin and the cold night air leaked in through. Levi rolled onto his side. The moonlight was too bright and it lit up the room in pale white.

If he continued like this the sun would rise before he fell into slumber.

 

Walking through empty corridors, he savoured the sound of the floor creaking and the way the moonlight lit his path. As he’d now given up any thought of sleep he silently thanked the pale disk in the sky for its guidance, as its silver shone in through every window. The base was usually a busy chaos of cadets and hurrying messengers, and walking through it in the dead of night – when not a soul was up and running – felt special somehow. Levi got so used to the darkness that the sudden light of a kerosene lamp felt almost blinding.

The offending warm brightness came from the Commander’s office door that stood ajar. Levi couldn’t help but peek inside as he passed, and what he saw made him stop his walk in favour of slipping through the door.

“Good evening,” he greeted, “Or should say I good morning?”

“Levi.” Erwin Smith was sat at his desk, with shirtsleeves rolled up and bags under his eyes.

“Have you any idea what time it is?” Levi sighed, walking up to sit on the edge of the Commander’s desk, “How long have you been working?”

The desk in question was completely covered in report papers and letters of condolence. Some were half-finished while others where completed and stacked in messy piles. Erwin looked up, with an expression that seemed to beg Levi not to bother.

“You should go to bed, Levi.” He said.

“I’d say the same to you.” The Captain retorted, with a frown, “You’re no good to the corps if you’re too tired to think. I’m afraid I must insist.”

Erwin’s lips twitched into something almost resembling a smile. The way Levi looked so stern was a mask to cover up the worry he felt, and the Commander had always seen straight through him. Levi tilted his head, throwing Erwin a meaningful look.

“Join me.”

The implications behind those words were many, and Erwin simply could not find any words to answer with. He found himself tongue-tied – something he was not at all used to, since his tongue had always been his strongest weapon.

“Levi.” He finally managed to murmur, and the Captain smiled at him. It was a rare, crooked smile, but on Levi it looked brighter than the moonlight through the window.

“It’s been too long, don’t you think,” Levi pushed back the black strands of hair that partially covered his eyes, “Erwin.”

 

Fabric slid down pale skin, as Levi disposed of his shirt. Erwin’s lips were trailing paths of scar tissue over his shoulder, and the familiar scent of him made Levi dizzy. He wanted to be closer – closer than his physical body allowed him to be.

“I love you.” Erwin whispered into the skin of Levi’s neck, and the warmth of his breath made contact with his already flushed skin. Levi couldn’t bring himself to answer, as he caught his lover’s mouth in a passionate kiss. He hoped the way his body trembled beneath the other’s fingers was enough for him to know.

The Captain let his eyes scan the wooden ceiling as calloused fingers found their way between his spreading legs. In that moment the thoughts of death and disaster that tormented him were forgotten. He didn’t force himself to remember the face of every cadet whose life had slipped between his fingers. He couldn’t remember the feeling of human blood staining through his shirt and sticking to his skin – not turning into vapour like a titan’s would. His mind was filled with sensations – the soft sheets beneath him, Erwin’s breath against his earlobe, and his fingers creating wonderful friction.

When he finally felt Erwin push into him it was as if he’d never been meant to be anywhere else but right there. He gripped broad shoulders with such force he would without doubt leave bruises – little marks to remind them of this moment, when everything seemed right. The moonlight fell over Erwin’s body and Levi tried to keep his eyes open though his body began shaking as he involuntarily threw his head back. He wanted to save this moment on the back of his eyelids, so that when he found himself helpless with blood sticking to his skin he could close his eyes and remember the way the frown on Erwin’s brow disappeared as his mouth fell open. He wanted to remember the way his breath caught in his throat, how he could see the muscles working beneath Erwin’s skin in the moonlight. He wanted it to last. He wanted to never have to open his eyes and not find that same sight there.

He tried not to scream, in fear of waking the officers sleeping down the hall. Erwin’s name spilled from his lips as he thrust his hips upward one last time, before collapsing in a heap of weak limbs and tousled black hair.

 

“Oh, Levi.” Erwin murmured, kissing his hair and touching his cheek with tender fingertips, “Levi, I love you.”

Levi once again felt the strange sensation that he wanted to be closer than was physically possible. He pressed his face into Erwin’s chest, breath still laboured.

“Please stay.” He heard himself whisper, “Stay here tonight. If we get up before the bell no one will notice.”

“We can’t risk them finding out.” Erwin sighed, a pained expression in his blue eyes.

“I don’t care about them.” Levi said, gripping the Commanders shoulder as hard as his limp state allowed him to, “For all I know we could be dead by tomorrow, and then none of this will matter anymore.”

“If people knew it would cause trouble, Levi. Not only for us, but for the corps as well – people wouldn’t trust me as their leader if they knew that I was-“

“What? Fucking another man?” Levi snorted, his thumb stroking along Erwin’s collarbone. The blond chuckled.

“Something like that.” He said.

Reality was quickly closing its fangs around them again, and all the thoughts that Levi had pushed to the back of his mind came crashing into his consciousness with brute force. He felt as if he was drowning and fought to keep his head above the surface.

“I love you,” he said, trying desperately not to let their precious moment fade. Erwin smiled – not his usual comforting one, but a warm grin that made Levi’s heart flutter in his chest.

“I know, my darling.” He replied, and Levi found himself embraced by strong arms. He felt safe in Erwin’s arms – safer than anywhere else – and though he knew the feeling would soon fade he savoured it. Erwin kissed his hair softly before pushing him away.

“I have to go.” He said, and the frown was back on his brow.

“Make sure to get some sleep.”

“I’ll try.”

 

Levi couldn’t sleep.

He lay restless, staring up at the wooden ceiling. The bed wasn’t as cold as it had been, Erwin’s warmth lingering in the sheets. He buried his head in the pillow. It still held his lover’s scent. The moonlight was no longer as bright, and Levi wondered how long it would be before the sun started rising in the east. The first birds had started chirping outside the window.

 

After many months, Levi found himself remembering that night – and many others like it. After Erwin’s arm had been severed he’d no longer been able to accompany them on expeditions – something Levi secretly thanked heaven for. He fooled himself that as long as Erwin was within the walls he was safe. Of course, he had been wrong. Hearing about Erwin’s captivity had made his heart stop for just a second, but he told himself that this was not a surprise. The Commander had been aware of the risks he was taking, and though Levi had never wished for any harm to come to him he understood his priorities.

The thought of Erwin being executed was one he didn’t allow himself to ponder. He focused on the mission ahead. He focused on the greater good.

But in that moment, when faced with a captured military police officer who sneered at him as he spoke of what they’d do to the survey corps unless they surrendered.

“…and we’ll start with the highest ranking officer,” the scum had spat, “Erwin Smith.”

Levi had tried so hard to remain deadpan. He’d gotten good at it by now. He hid every sign of emotion behind his usual frown. But he didn’t dare meet the hateful eyes of the MP, in case he would notice the way Levi’s insides had turned cold.

He wanted to close his eyes. He wanted to remember moonlight falling on broad shoulders and calloused hands travelling up his side. He wanted to remember the way his own hands gripped soft sheets. He wanted to remember the scent that filled up his nose as he buried it in the space underneath Erwin’s chin.

 

“Levi.” Erwin had whispered one night, when clouds had dimmed the moonlight and they were curled up under soft blankets, “If I ever have to leave you, I want you to remember that I never wanted to.”

Levi looked up, startled by the statement. They didn’t discuss the future much. They both knew too well what it had in store for them.

“I want you to know that if it was up to me I’d stay with you for as long as you want me.”

“Are you drunk, old man?” the Captain snorted, and rolled his eyes.

“I mean it.” Erwin kissed him softly, and Levi couldn’t help but let a smile play over his lips.

“I know.” He said. He knew, and maybe that’s what hurt the most.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I figured since I only ever write fluff these days I'd try to do something different.  
> I only managed to make myself sad. Go me.


End file.
